


She Flies Alone, Man

by Amand_r



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen, Other, porn battle challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-27
Updated: 2011-03-27
Packaged: 2017-10-17 07:49:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/174554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amand_r/pseuds/Amand_r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The knocking noises had started after Myfanwy's feeding time yesterday, and they had been going on off and on, followed or coupled with screeching and guttural growls and howls all evening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Flies Alone, Man

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heddychaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heddychaa/gifts).



> Written for the porn battle challenge prompt, 'solo action'.

Jack watched Ianto crawl up to Myfanwy's nest with the hesitancy of one who was sure they were about to be killed. He would have volunteered to do it himself, but Ianto was new, and according to Suzie and Owen, still being hazed as part of his initiation to Torchwood Three. Jack _had_ hired Ianto in haste, without consulting any of them, and _he_ wasn't about to be hazed by those two, for God's sake. He was the _boss_.

Besides, Emily and Alice had 'hazed' him plenty a hundred years ago, and not in the 'funny ha ha silly string' way.

Ianto was taking it well, too, the hazing, what with the plant with the sex pollen, and the hidden cache of rotting fish in the old percolator, and the one time Owen had left the parking break off the car too early while Ianto was still trying to get the jack out from under the SUV. Oh, and that thing with the 'Official Torchwood Teaboy' banner that they had hung in the Tourist Centre until Ianto had removed it and crisply and unruffledly pointed out that it was a gross breach of security. Jack had had to give them the lecture about SECRET FUCKING ORGANISATION, and then Owen had said something cheeky about the logo on the SUV and Jack had kicked them all out of the conference room except for Ianto (and Tosh, because Tosh was always okay), and the three of them had eaten lunch companionably while Suzie and Owen fumed down on the sofa, cartons of take away balanced on their knees.

Besides, it was a _pterodactyl_. Whatever.

The knocking noises had started after Myfanwy's feeding time yesterday, and they had been going on off and on, followed or coupled with screeching and guttural growls and howls all evening. They'd stopped when everyone went home for the night, but they had just started again after lunch today, and they were driving Suzie and Tosh batshit. Jack crossed his arms and watched Ianto's figure disappear into the cave-like hole that they'd decided would be the best place for her once they'd acclimated her to the Hub.

His wing tips were the last thing to go, and Jack glanced over to Owen as he sidled up next to him; they stared up at the cave, listening as the squeals and banging stopped, followed by what Jack could tell was Ianto's 'please-don't-kill-me-have-some-chocolate' song and dance, and then an even louder set of shrieks, some of which were suspiciously human sounding. One of Ianto's arms shot out of the hole and waved a bit before pulling itself back in, and then Ianto's left leg came into view, groping for the ladder frantically, followed by his right, and then, quickly, the rest of him. Ianto took the ladder two rungs at a time and then slid down the sides for the last three.

"What the hell was that?" Jack asked. The screaming had subsided a little, and the knocking had resumed. It was something wooden, or something wood on metal, maybe. It was still very irritating. They had to do something about that, because it would soon drive him crazy too. After all, he _lived_ here.

Ianto inched back to the grating over the pool, his left leg moving stiffly, as if it had been pulled. He looked relatively unharmed, if one didn't take into consideration his colouring.

Ianto was red. And as he stammered a little bit in response to Jack's question, jaw working in a fish-like rather clueless stunned gaping expression, it was hard to believe that he could get redder; but there it was, spreading up over the already pink cheeks, and his eyes blinked in rapid fire, as if he was trying to process disturbing information quickly so as to get past it as rapidly as possible. Jack knew that feeling, though he usually experienced it when flipping through telly channels.

"She—" Ianto glanced back at the cave, his hands spread in a universal shrug. "Well, she…she's fine," he finished. Then he went about tidying Tosh's workspace, despite that it was pretty much spotless. Whatever he'd seen had unnerved him.

"She was what?" Owen asked, leaning on the railing. "Was she wanking or something?"

Jack watched Ianto freeze and knew that they'd hit the jackpot. "The dinosaur is masturbating up there?" he asked, feeling the grin on his face.

Owen scoffed. "Naw. Birds don't masturbate."

"Yes they do," Suzie said as she breezed by with her welding gear, not stopping to chat. Jack admired her work ethic, but really, a wanking dinosaur? Come on. This deserved a moment's consideration. Well, maybe a few seconds' consideration.

Owen raised his brows and Ianto continued to clear things from Tosh's desk that Tosh was probably going to miss when she got back from the toilet. Like her mouse.

"Colour me surprised," Owen admitted, his face scrunching in distaste.

Jack left his perch on the catwalk and eased his way over to the ladder that led to Myfanwy's nest.

"Oi!" Owen called. "Keep your hands to yourself, Harkness! She's a lady!"

He smiled. "One, I'm just curious. Two, there are some things even I won't do. Three, no one with table manners like hers is a lady."

Something smacked him in the back of the head and he barely had time to turn around and fumble it from the air before he almost dropped it in the tower pool. It was a bar of Cadbury Milk. He waved it at Ianto suspiciously.

"Is this from my office?"

Ianto shrugged. "We've run out, sir. I think you'll find that your chances of getting out of there alive are better if you have it. Sacrifice," he added, "for the good of the Empire?"

Jack sighed and pocketed the bar. No one cared about _his_ serotonin levels…

He climbed up the last few rungs softly, listening to the squeals and thumping that seemed so much more _filthy_ now that he knew what was going on up there. His head finally gave him a view of what was happening in the giant dinosaur cave.

 _"Wow."_

END


End file.
